I wanted to talk about something different today. Talk about a topic you won’t see being talked about on many gaming blogs, probably because it has nothing to do with games. It’s pretty personal and this is the first time I’ve written about something like this, so yeah, it might seem a little weird. Or maybe some of you can relate, I don’t know.

Ever since I can remember I’ve been a skinny kid. I was never the tallest or largest growing up, just about average. I never played sports or joined a swimming team, but I was just as active as the next kid my age. My parents are both pretty skinny and so are my two brothers. I never even noticed I was underweight – and neither did anyone else. As I grew up though, that started to change. I grew taller and taller but never seemed to gain weight. I remember it was around 5th grade when people started noticing. This one time my Dad’s relatives of some sort (none that I knew though) came over to visit us. They greeted everyone warmly including myself, and I took them as nice people. After they settled in and were talking around the house mingling with one another (much like adults do), I decided to go outside for a bit. I was a pretty shy kid around adults so just being around them made me feel a little awkward… so I decided to take a leave of absence as they discussed important adult-like things. I was halfway out the door when I heard them talking about their kids and parenting in general. As I left though, I picked up my name among their conversation and tried to listen in. I don’t remember exactly what they said but I remember the father mentioning how skinny I was with a slight chuckle. I’m pretty sure my parents might have chuckled too. I felt embarrassed and sort of mad – why would you make a comment like that, I thought to myself. I left angrily and never really spoke much to the father after that. I wasn’t even sure if they had noticed me or not while I was there, but it didn’t matter to me… I had heard everything anyway.

The same sort of thing kept on happening every so often when we saw relatives or friends. I noticed that the more I aged the more people noticed. I got “look at how skinny he is!” comments from people especially when I was wearing a swim suit, which really discouraged me from swimming and made me much more self-conscious about the way I looked. It really started to get me down, and the more I aged, the more of a problem it became. This year infact, I had my gym teacher ask me to remove my hoodie during class, only to have him point out how skinny I was to the rest of the class. Almost everyone in the class turned their heads towards me in a t-shirt and a few people made “stick” and “twig” remarks. I wouldn’t have been so annoyed about it if people laughed… but they didn’t, and everyone just stared at me without saying a word. There was an awkward silence and then the class continued.

At the start of this year a friend invited me to go swimming with him and another friend. I gladly accepted and the whole skinny thing was off my mind until I got in line for the water slide. A kid my age who was actually very friendly pointed out how skinny I was and my “friends” verbally agreed with him. I couldn’t escape the comments unless I went in the pool and stayed there where no one would notice me, only my head. I haven’t been swimming since.

Just today I had a older neighbor comment on my weight at a party, saying to my mom “was his Dad that skinny as a kid?” to which my mom replied “oh yes.” “No,” the neighbor said as I sat down next to my mom “was his dad THAT skinny?” What the fuck? I though to myself. Is there some sort of unwritten rule that says it’s okay for people to discuss my weight in front of me? Did they not see it as hurtful? Like what the fuck? I would be fine with it if they were talking to ME about it, but why just say it to my mom, or worse, just out of nowhere, like some sort of observation? I’ve never seen people make these comments towards overweight people. No one does that because it’s rude. Overweight people are well aware of their condition, and so am I. We both have weight problems, though in different ways. So why is it acceptable to openly announce about it in front of me and not them?

Being a male doesn’t help either. If you’re skinny, you’re at the bottom of the fucking food chain. Remember those old Charles Atlas advertisements in comic books about the skinny guy getting sand kicked in his face from the larger guy? Those comics are dead on.

It’s not being skinny that bothers me… it’s the comments I get from people that lower my self esteem and make me feel terrible. Most of the time I wear a hoodie, and although it wasn’t because I didn’t want people to see how skinny I was… it sure did help. I never got any comments when wearing it – I just looked like an regular kid.

I blame genetics and my super fast metabolism on my weight issues… but I’m almost certain all those comments over the years had something to do with it. They certainly didn’t help. Some friends occasionally point out my condition to me, which I’m fine with. In fact I even laugh and joke about it myself. It really doesn’t bother me. Last summer I went swimming in Jones Beach with an old childhood friend and his family. They never mentioned or talked about my weight, and I had the best time I’ve had swimming in a while, sporting nothing but a swim suit and running towards the waves with my skinny arms flailing. No one seemed to care, and neither did I. It was just pure, outdoors fun on that beautiful, sunny day.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who deals with this kind of thing, but I’m not going to go any further with this. I would like to say though, that  the “treat others how you would like to be treated” saying is golden. It really does go a long way.